Riding bikes, teaching English, sweating profusely, visiting a floating village,
memorizing 3 phrases in Khymer, visiting ancient temple ruins, praying for
rain. These things pretty much sum up the last 20 days in Cambodia.
The final month of this journey is nearing its close and it
is surreal to say the least. We have been teaching English in a community
called Kampong Cham since June 1st and we leave in the morning to
make our way back to Bangkok where we will have final debrief, and then board a
plane on the 29th to Los Angeles.
I am currently sitting on a bed with my three team-Phoenix
sisters enjoying a moment we have taken for granted for 11 months: sitting and
just being in each other's presence. Oh the little things. And I have 40 plus
more brothers and sisters to say goodbye to over the next 10 days. I am not
looking forward to it.
I have been
more than blessed with new family this year- many of these friendships I know
will last a lifetime. I see now that God had this planned all along. He called me
to this 11 month journey to teach me more about Himself, to allow me to serve
the needy and hopeless but also to learn how to be loved by others. I have been
unconditionally loved by these amazing people in my grossest, darkest and most
frustrated hours. They've seen me ready to give up and ready to shut down but
instead helped usher me into breakthrough and freedom. They are nothing short
of a gift from God! And as I reflect, I think this is my most powerful lesson
of this year. The Lord loves to give beautiful gifts to His children, and He
always gives us just what we need-even when we don't know we need it.
So as one of my final blogs, I want to thank all of my
brothers and sisters for embarking on this adventure alongside me. There is
absolutely no way I would have grown this much without them. I also want to thank all of my
supporters again for donating and allowing me to experience what I've
experienced and give what I've given. This trip is once-in-a-lifetime.
And I want to thank the Lord for loving me enough to pull me
away from physical comforts and a life lived for myself.Thank you God for changing the
completely inaccurate way I viewed you and for placing my feet, for the first
time ever, on solid ground.
Where did May go?! Vietnam
came and went in far too quickly!
I guess it is to be expected in a city that
is non-stop "go go go" and millions of people race around on motorbikes.
We stayed
the month in Ho Chi Minh City (formerly Saigon) on a busy street that was
always alive with activity. It was a real change for us and pretty fun; minus
the 4am karaoke sessions that happened here and there.
Our work was
centered in the city but I was lucky to go on a couple excursions into the
villages and towns in the less populated areas of Vietnam too! We worked with
underground churches, schools, orphanages, elderly homes, discipleship groups
and a leper colony. All of which were hugely rewarding and I would do again in
a millisecond.
The elderly
home was one of my favorite places we visited.The people were so desperate for affection and quality time!
They were incredibly welcoming and clearly grateful for someone to take the
time to speak with them (even if we couldn't understand each other. It broke my
heart. Many men there were war
veterans with no one to care for them. They, just as much as all the others
welcomed us Americans with joy! It was wonderful. One of the best days I have
had this whole year.
The leper
colony was a favorite too.These
amazing people had all suffered from leprosy long enough to lose limbs or
hands. One woman (my favorite) suffers in her back and legs but also has major
deterioration on her face. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen! She responded a lot to our singing and
our prayers for her.Another man
who'd lost both hands from leprosy welcomed us all with a huge grin and a
performance. He held his hymnbook with one arm while the other was on his heart
and he beautifully belted out praises to the Lord for us! It was incredibly
moving. We also visited the home
of two men who were from a tribe in one of the bush villages.They said they were lucky to find the leper
community and church because they had been completely cast out of their tribe
and village when their family and friends found out they had leprosy.They were disowned and left to their
own devices. Can you imagine?
While God
really gave us a glimpse into the heartache and hardship the lepers had faced, He was also faithful to make His
presence in their lives known. Each and every person in the leper colony had a
testimony of where they used to be and what God has done in their lives! Many
had been healed from the disease but remain with the community friends. Their spirits were so full of joy and
peace, that I felt comforted when I
left.
So, the
country of Vietnam is technically a "closed" country. Which means the gospel
cannot legally be preached. But is it preached? Oh yes. Coming
into the month I expected maybe a tiny church here and there and people that
were timid, afraid and secretive about their faith. But that is not true in the slightest. What I experienced in
Vietnam just proves that no governmental legislation can keep God away from his
people and that nothing can keep the people who know him from spreading his
love and telling of his goodness.
One of my
last days in Vietnam I met a man who has spent the last 20+ years walking the
streets of Ho Chi Minh and telling people the about Jesus. He has to take an
hour bus ride into the city each day from his home where he lives alone,
bringing nothing but his Bible and depending on God to provide food for the day
(which He always does). He has been jailed 8 times over the years yet continues
to speak the truth to anyone we passes by! He told me about healing miracles he
has seen God perform and stories of people coming to know God: he had an arsenal
of them!The man has no shame, no
fear and no alternative desire. He is fueled solely by the love and truth of
Jesus. Dang it was humbling.
I hope I
can live a life full of the boldness, compassion and joy that these believers
live. I was so inspired and awed at Gods work Vietnam, and with his people. I'm
praying I can come back someday.
A two-and -a -half week ministry span made this month our
shortest yet. Of course, it has been my favorite thus far and I could have
stayed for another month (at least). Although our time it was short, the impact
it made on my life and the impact we made on those women was immense.
Explaining the environment on Bangla Road is so hard.Even videos don't capture the depth of
the darkness- it is just something you will have to experience yourself (and
you are ALL welcome to come and experience it, SHE is in need of volunteers-all
the time). I have been through the red light district in Amsterdam, and that
was hard enough for me. Bangla however is not at all "behind glass" but mostly
out in the open. Girls (and I do mean girls) and women dance on counters and
poles at bar fronts. Others stand on the street, wearing nearly nothing,
waiting to be "chosen" for the hour, for the night or for the week. The
environment is, in no small way, sexually charged and meant to draw men (and
women) into their world of momentary pleasure and control by whatever means
possible. Grabbing you by the hand, offering free/cheap drinks, promising
certain services---whatever. And it's all motivated of course by cash money.
We spent our days here walking the streets in prayer. We
prayed for peace in the hearts of those who live and work on Bangla. We prayed
that the men and women God wanted to lead us to would encounter us that night
and would have the trust in us to be totally open about their circumstances. And
we prayed for change in Patong. That it's notoriety for the sex trade would one
day be swapped for a reputation of God's joy, rest and of healing for tourists
who really just want an escape from the rat-trace of home.
Then at night we would spread out in teams of three and go
bar to bar talking with women, looking for those who wanted change.Not surprisingly, 9 of every 10 women
we talked to openly hated her job. Some were so candid with us that we would
hear gut-wrenching stories from the night before- just because they needed someone
to listen. Although incredibly hard to endure, we spent most of our time
listening to women's stories and trying to understand why she does what she
does. And although most want a change, money is their motivation.As I mentioned before, the majority
of women are separated from their families, working the sex industry because it
doesn't require an education and is always
hiring. In comparison to other jobs that don't require training, the income is
huge. And they need a good percentage of their income sent home to their
families to take care of their children, siblings, ill parents etc. So
sacrificing their happiness and discomfort seams like the only choice. But it
is not!
We shared the SHE organization with dozens and dozens of
women. Some came to have lunch with us there and check it out; some signed up
for classes, and some still aren't ready to make a change. Although it was
incredibly hard for us to leave Phuket without some of our friends stepping
foot in SHE, we have to trust God with them. And know that while they may not
be ready now, they at least know an alternative exists. And the bottom line is,
they have to choose for themselves. When one girl decides to fight for a better
life, her sisters and neighbors in the bars will inevitably notice and there will
be a domino effect. So we consider the five or six women getting involved while
we were there as a huge success!
When we left, SHE had 40-something other male and female
volunteers arrive to help this next month. And teams will just continue to come. Although this organization
is relatively new, Gods people are making huge waves for His kingdom in Patong.
And it brought my heart much comfort in leaving to see the commitment of these
people.They aren't going anywhere.
They are there to stay, and I can't wait to come back.
This is a video that my friend Ashley put together to give you an idea of what we were stepping into during our time in Phuket. It's difficult to watch and there is some graphic content but it's the reality of what we faced and what these women are facing everyday. Please watch and pray for Bangla Road.
I have never sweat so much in my life. Seriously. I wake up sweating, and spend all day sweating. I shower before bed and start sweating again before I fall asleep. Hot.
But I am FINALLY in Thailand and that is all I care about.
We are have been in Phuket for 5 days now and each day keeps getting better. We are working with an organization called "She" which helps women get out of prostitution and into a life of hope. "She" provides a place to live (rent free) while training women in a variety of vocational skills ( to equip them to get a better job) and teaching them English etc. while paying them a monthly salary--so they can stay out of the bars. It is phenomenal!
Our job is to be out, in the bars, talking with the prostitutes and telling them about "She" and the options they DO have, which most don't know is possible.
Even just being out on Bangla Road for four nights we have seen God move and women investigate a new life. Out of the dozens of women I have personally spoken with only ONE has said that she enjoys what she is doing. All the rest have expressed to me that they would rather do anything else if they thought it was possible. Most of them despair because they think they are not smart enough to do anything else, or they have been lied to all their lives about their worth and their lot in life. We are here to give them another option and speak the truth to them about their worth as children of God.
I will keep you all updated on our progress and on the amazing stories of what God is doing here amidst the darkness.
In the mean time, learn more about "She" and how to help at www.shethailand.org
"At your tabernacle I
will sacrifice with shouts of joy! I will sing and make music to the Lord."
(Psalm 27)
Ah, my beloved shoes!
They have been stretched and abused, re-soled, repaired and
broken again. And again. And again. They are my favorite. They have supported
my journey for a long time and been faithful to my feet.
I have run through grassy fields at outdoor concerts in
these shoes. I have lain sobbing in a ball on my bedroom floor in these shoes.
I have beaten my fists angrily and kicked walls in these shoes. I have worked,
played, loved and lost in these shoes.In these shoes I have drug my feet, tapped my feet and started out on a
new adventure. They have seen some of the darkest moments of my adulthood and
led me into joy abounding. They have been great. But they no longer serve their function.
Now its time they were put to rest. They are beyond
duct-tape and band-aids. I love them but I'm ready for the shoes God has chosen
for me. Not the ones I have chosen for myself.
So I buried them in Africa. (And I have video to prove it-see my last blog)
And here I am Lord,
like my shoes, ready to be buried and gone. I lay myself on your alter with all
my messiness as a sacrifice. You can have all of my past: the good the bad and
the ugly. I surrender my attachment to it. I give up the memories I run to when
things are hard. I lay down the safety I have found there. It is not part of my identity any more.
Take me as I am TODAY God. Take my own expectations of where
I think I should be or where I think you want me to be. Because the truth is that I am right
where I need to be. Sitting at your feet, surrendering all.
Father, I lay down my future and MY hope of what it will
look like and who will be in it. I
lay down my wildest dreams and deepest anxieties-it's all yours.
NO MORE BAND-AIDS. No more doubts. No more trying to run in
shoes I can't even walk in. No more holding on to an idea or a person, an
image, a time, a fear or reverie. My hands are open to let go and to receive as
you see fit.
Set it on fire, my God my King. May it be a pleasing
sacrifice to you.
"Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past. See I
am doing a new thing!...I am making a way in the desert and streams in the
wasteland" Isaiah 44:18-19
God is compassionate,
gracious and faithful. (Exodus 34:6)
God is merciful.
(Hebrews 2:17)
God is just. (Romans
3:25)
God is unfailing
kindness. (1 Samuel 20:14)
God is light; in Him
there is no darkness at all. (1 John 1: 5)
God is Redeemer.
(Titus 2:14)
"He
has sent me to bind up the
brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives andrelease from darkness for the prisoners."Isaiah 61:1
Going and praying in hospitals is
usually my favorite thing to do. Although this was a particularly rough
Sunday.We had been ministering in Bugiri, Ugandapretty much non-stop for over a week.I had just sat through an insanely long
African church service (running on 3 hours of sleep) in which I was asked to
speak, then walked over ½ hour home in the blazing
heat feeling totally exhausted and drained. After eating a "re-charging" meal
of carbohydrates with a side of starch, we were told to get ready to go to the
hospital. "God", I thought, "please let me stay back, I'm dying here". In response I felt God nudging me into this visit, not to prove a point, but
because he had something important for me. "Ok Lord, pick me up and give me your
strength".
Walking into the hospital I couldn't have told you what the day would hold.
The environment was especially dark and heavy and I got my typical
insta-headache because the air was so loaded with infirmity and hopelessness. But I
just kept praying under my breath for God to be my strength and to lead me where
He wanted me to go.
When I entered the womens wing I saw some of the same
people from the week prior. They remembered me and I gladly went to their
bedside to pray for them again. Most of the woman were suffering from Malaria,
some HIV/AIDS, and others had unknown, yet incredibly painful conditions. All,
however, seamed to be treated only with an electrolyte or painkilling IV drip.
They were in need of some hope.
As I made the rounds I was encouraged by the way God was
touching people. The room was getting noticeably brighter and pain was subsiding. As I walked back
toward the middle aisle I noticed an elderly woman lying in a bed, CONVULSING
with her eyes rolling back in her head. I don't remember making the decision to
go to her, but the next thing I knew I was at her side laying my hands on her
body and asking God for His manifest presence to COME.
Upon getting a closer look, I could tell she was suffering
from A LOT of spiritual oppression that was rooted in witchcraft. (I know this
sounds a little crazy, but this is not uncommon in Africa,
considering demon-worship is a religion many subscribe to. And a lot of people
have felt trapped into going to witch doctors for help. People actually pay
witch doctors to put curses on others for revenge etc. Witch doctors themselves
get in so deep that they themselves become enslaved to darkness. It is very
real.) She had maggots ( yes, maggots) jammed so far up into her left nostril that it was stretched
enough to fit a silver dollar inside.She was breathing very shallow as she shook uncontrollably and had NO
defense for herself. She was at deaths door. My heart knew it and my spirit
knew it.
I immediately started praying the name of Jesus over her and
addressed the spirit of witchcraft which I knew would not go easily. At this
point my sisters Martha and Lauren come along side me and started praying too.
Every time I said the name of Jesus the maggots would come closer to coming
out. It was bazaar; I have never seen anything like it. Her body was also
responding to the mighty name of Jesus and she began to pass spirits out
through coughing. I knew we were on the right track, so we kept pushing on.
As we have learned, nothing combats darkness but light so we started speaking
over her the truth of Jesus and His love for her.We told her she was a BELOVED daughter of the
Most High and that NO power of the enemy is stronger than that love. She kept
responding with coughs and with each one her eyes became brighter and more
alert.
We spent almost 2 hours at her bedside, BATTLING in the spiritual realm for her life. We were totally
broken for her. At one point I actually climbed into bed with her so we could
look eye to eye. I could see the comfort she was receiving from God and the desperate
"thank you" she could only communicate in her eyes.
As we progressed, Ashley Higgins (who had been standing near) came to
us and told us about a vision God had revealed to her during this process. She saw
the women lying in a grave and as we were praying she was rising up. She wasn't
completely standing yet, but was on her way."Oh, thank you God", I thought "almost there."
We continued speaking truths to her and although she spoke
Swahili, not English, it was apparent that she somehow understood. Gradually
her convulsions eased, her body became more relaxed and her eyes became so clear
and deep that she looked like a different woman! It was crazy!
It wasn't long after this that Ashley got another vision if
her running, in clean white clothes. Although she wasn't completely coherent
and calm in her body, we knew she was at last out of deaths grip, thanks to her
Father in heaven.
I cannot believe I am writing about this so
matter-of-factly. It was nothing short of miraculous!
As we leaving, we asked someone nearby what the
woman's name was (it all happened so fast we didn't have a chance to ask her
name!). Her name was Edith.
Her name IS Edith.
Later that night after time to reflect, I realized how rough
it had been with Edith. I had to pray for the smell of the
hospital to leave my nostrils and for the horrific images of the maggots to go
away. But I found myself missing her. My heart had
become so invested in hers that I longed
to be with her! I was heartbroken. I knew this was only a small taste of the way God feels about us
when separate ourselves from Him.
This was one of the best experiences of my life. Lying in
that bed beside Edith, battling to bring her out of darkness was the most I
have ever felt like my TRUE self. Like my destiny was being unleashed!
That day I realized what Jesus meant when He said " The thief comes only to kill, steal and destroy. But I have come that they may have LIFE and life abundantly".(John 10:10)
And I also started to understand what God meant when he called us to "proclaim freedom for the captives, and release from darkness for the prisoners".
Did you know that God is in a good mood all the time? That He IS love, which means He actually encompasses uncorrupted, unconditional LOVE?!Did you know that He smiles on us because He delights in us?!Yeah, neither did I-- until recently!
So where does all this crap come from?
The enemy.Gods enemy. He will go to any length to keep us from approaching God so we remainin a state of deception. And most of the lies are easy to believe because we only have our imperfect, broken human relationships to use as a frame of reference. Until we pursue God on our own in search of the truth that is.
Well, I have been. And guess what I have found?
God is NOT...
Angry at you. I repeat...NOT ANGRY AT YOU. No matter what you have done or where you have been, He forgives ALL sins if you repent and believe in His son Jesus.
God is NOT...
Indifferent towards you. He LIVES for you. The Bible says that He is familiar with all of your ways, that He knows your words before they leave your mouth. And that He thinks about you all the time. The number of thoughts He has for you outnumber the grains of sand on all the world's beaches! (Psalm 139:17)
God is NOT...
Like your Father who left when you were little. He is not your controlling mother or the boyfriend who found somebody new. He will "never leave you or forsake you" (Joshua 1:5).God is NOT going to fit into any human experience we can think up. He is bigger and better than them all.
God is NOT...
Out to condemn homosexuals, prostitutes, and democrats! He loves everyone the same. He doesn't play favorites. He died for everyone. E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E. And we are called to love His people regardless if we agree with them or not! He is not concerned with the labels, He is concerned about you.
God is NOT...
Expecting you to be perfect before you come to Him! He wants us to come to Him with all of our MESS. He says, "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28). He knows we will never be perfect. He shows us unearned favor(grace), which does NOT come from performance. It is a free gift. This is what makes Him unlike any other god. This is what makes Him truth. All His motives come out of His love for his people and His desire to be with us!
God is NOT...
Only on his throne in heaven. He is ever-present. He is walking the earth, by your side ready to hold your hand when you need it. He is always with you. Even if you haven't chosen Him yet, he is there pursuing you and calling out to you.
Finally, God is NOT...
Content for you to stay where you are! He wants YOUR heart and your life so He can heal you, reveal to you your destiny and so He can show you who He really is. This is for all of you. Even those friends of mine who think it is just for me...that I am lucky to have found happiness. No. He wants you!
Do not be led astray any longer by lies about who God is. I was for far too long!
